Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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