dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
