bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
