if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize