If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
