I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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