You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
