Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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