no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
