Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
