Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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