I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
