At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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