apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
