is your mom at the bar?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
