there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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