What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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