She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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