His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
