What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
