I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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