he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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