Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize