you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
