you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
