he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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