Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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