We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
