just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
