See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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