Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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