i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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