if you like me you must not know who I am
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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