I can tuck mytits in my pants
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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