Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Randomize
