So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
