Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
