I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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