Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He has the fingertips of a God
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