I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
