Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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