you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
