I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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