I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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