that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Randomize
