She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
