I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
