I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
