Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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