I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
