there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
