Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
