i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize