I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize