evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
