I feel like abortions should bother me more
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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