Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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