Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
