Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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