Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
