Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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