If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize