also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
