so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
