5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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