When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize