no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
