her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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