sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
