After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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