You're a womanizer and a bitch.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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