Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
