So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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