never play flip cup with pint glasses
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
