ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
